{ SEXUAL PRESSURES! } Final

Sexual pressures, a different meaning to many people. Does anybody really know what teens go through in their relationships? Why is that 80% of teens today are pressured into oral sex? Now a days teens believe that in order to please their partner they have to provide them with oral sex. This blog post is a reminder and an announcement to all the pre-teens and teens that you do NOT need to do that if you’re not comfortable with it.

            Sometimes it’s good to have a point of view from teens, adults, and etc. Mariama Bangura age 16, located on the north side of Chicago, talks about how she sometimes feel pressured into being sexually involved. She states “Sometimes when I`m with him and were making out he always wants to go further. He says if I`m not giving him sex then I at least have to give him something. He says that in order for us to remain in a relationship we have to do this” as stated in what mariama said she feels that she HAS to do this in order to stay in a relationship. This is not TRUE you don’t need to give oral sex to your partner because he/she wants to its only if you want to. Another interviewee also speaks on this topic.  Ateh Akrong, age 27, located on the North side of Chicago. In his interview he states “A lot of teens are having sex without pleasure," says Ateh. "Having it is more important than feeling the pleasure that comes with it. Being able to tell their friends is sometimes more important than any pleasure that they would share with their intimate or sexual partner. There are teens who express their tender feelings with their intimate partner in a loving way. Not everybody is having sex to tell their friends or to prove that they're mature." What Ateh says is very essential to all teens out there you don’t need to have sex or engage in oral sex because the partner wants to.

            Below, I`ve made a question and response to the most asked questions in the situation. This gives you an idea of  how to respond to these questions when asked:

Pressure comment: Come on, everybody's doing it!
Response: I'm not everybody, and everybody is not doing it.
Pressure comment: If you really love me, you'll have sex with me.
Response: If you loved me, you'd respect my feelings and beliefs and not push me into something I don't want to do.
Pressure comment: If you don't have sex with me then I'll break up with you.
Response: I don't think that we are in this relationship for the same reasons, and if that is how you really feel, maybe we should reconsider our relationship.
Pressure comment: It's just a part of growing up.
Response: Sex is a part of growing up, but only when I'm ready for it to happen and I'm not ready right now.
Pressure comment: You say you want to wait until you are married, but I want to marry you.
Response: Being married to me and wanting to marry me are two different things and that is a long time from now.
Pressure comment: We had sex once before, what's the problem now?
Response: I have the right to change my mind, and I'm just not comfortable with the idea of having a sexual relationship.
Pressure comment: Having sex will make you a real woman.
Response: Having sex doesn't prove anything and I don't need to have sex to feel like a woman.
Pressure comment: Don't you want to see what it's like?
Response: Sure, and I can't wait to find out on my wedding night.
Pressure comment: Don't you find me attractive?
Response: Yes, I find you attractive, but having sex with you is not going to prove that.
Pressure comment: You've got me all excited. If you love me, prove it.
Response: We're both a little excited right now, I think we should slow down. And having sex with you is not going to prove that I love you.
Pressure comment: If you don't do it, someone else will.
Response: If that's how you feel then I think we need to talk about why we are in this relationship.
Pressure comment: But I need it.
Response: If I can wait, you can wait. It won't kill you.

If you truly don’t want to engage in oral sex with your partner this is a healthy way to answer these questions don’t be afraid to stand up and say NO.

 What are healthy relationships based off of? A healthy relationship is when you:

 Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship.

Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us

Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it.

Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation.

These are things that are very important in a relationship; it doesn’t have to be all about sex. Remember, sex is not a test of love. You can show someone special that you care deeply about them without having sex. You can hold hands, kiss and hug, listen to the other person. This is something you should talk to your partner about. If it is something you can not talk to them about, then that says a lot about your relationship. Leave the situation if you feel uncomfortable. Remember, you are in control of your life and the decisions you make for yourself.

I hope I`ve helped someone!!!