"Real women are fat. And thin. And both, and neither, and otherwise. Doesn’t make them any less real." -- Hanne Blank -- author on body image and identity.
I copied this quote from a blog on Feministing.com called "There's no right way to hate your body" by Chloe Angyal. It got me thinking because this sounds like a reminder that I have to give myself any time I start to doubt my self worth based on my physical appearances. I wonder how many girls out there feel this way -- to have to remind themselves of their beauty. Even though I'm sure many do, when do we become aware of this feeling, and does it ever go away?
Chloe's post, and I really encourage you to read it, focuses a lot on how we all tend to hate our bodies. We all do it to varying degrees depending on we identify ourselves, but regardless of our backgrounds (and it's your background that may have a lot to do with that degree to which we find ways to hate our body), we all find ways to hate our bodies. That said, the quote above hit me in the face because I again found myself conscious of doing my own body hating yesterday.
Sometimes I think that I should really know better, and maybe find a way to prepare myself for it, because walking into a fashionable boutique is no easy feat. I love to go shopping, and I enjoy edgy fashion as much as anyone else who appreciates Vogue magazine's latest trends, but I find that being fashionable is something of a talent if you are "bigger" like myself. I don't think I am fat -- well maybe a little but only because I don't think I'm thin either. I'm kind of thick, I've got big hips like many of the women in my family, and I suppose I could be more fit (I used to be very fit -- which might help contribute to my self-bashing.) But I feel this way a lot when I go shopping and the store doesn't offer sizes that will fit me.
The weirdest thing happens at stores like this. For instance, I become suddenly aware that my"muffin top" is spilling over my jeans, or that my rear end is 100x bigger than I thought it was when I look in the mirror by the fitting rooms. I soon realize full well that none of the clothes in that store are going to fit me. I don't know what to say, and I'm too embarrassed to ask because the sizes on the racks already hint at a subtle "you really don't belong here." The worst part, though, is when you feel as though the store clerks are see you. Their job is to help you shop, and you suddenly wish they hadn't noticed you, because you just want to get to the door and make a clean escape before they give you their perky and polite, "hello!" I get really uncomfortable if I've been spotted, because I think it'd be a mess if they did try to "help" me. It'd be quite the quest to help me put together similar outfits with what they have to offer a girl like me.
So...not only did I wish I was smaller to fit into the cute outfits, I also got this crazy idea -- thankfully it was only momentary -- that I must go on a diet. It was the justification that, "if I can't beat 'em, then join 'em" and then maybe I could actually shop at the stores I think I like. Terrible, I know. After a few minutes, it felt more like a submission to my own self-hatred than a good idea.I figured out really quick that I wasn't going to be doing it for me, but rather for someone who makes the stupid clothes. I'd be trying to measure up to someone else's standards instead of my own. Thankfully I figured that out, because really what's the point? If I'm going to diet, first and foremost, I should be doing it for the right reasons. I should be making sure to eat good food so that I'm taking care of my heart, and maybe trying to be a little more fit would help me stay active for longer periods of time which will also keep me healthy. But if I diet for the wrong reasons, and even if I can buy clothes from that cute little boutique, I'm sure I would find other ways to hate the wonderful body I've been given to live in day to day. Besides, I'm more than just my curves and "muffin top", right?
There's no right way to hate your body, but there's also no wrong way to love it either. And as much as I love fashionable clothes, I also love being able to ride my bike to work, to walk to the lake, to laugh, to write, to take pictures, and go new places. My body, whether I like it or not is my number one partner when I do these things, so...I just hope that in moments like the one I had at the store yesterday, I'll remember to think about the reasons to love me. I hope you'll find ways to love who you are, too. Let us know why you love you below!
By the way, here's the link to Chloe's post on Feministing.com: http://feministing.com/2012/04/02/there-is-no-right-way-to-hate-your-body/#more-46448
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